Are You Practising Self Love or Self Neglect?

I've gotten into some rubbish habits lately. The worse being the comfort I've found in scrolling through social media. Laid on my bed scrolling through the instagram explore page for what only feels like 10 minutes, when in reality I've been sat motionless for around an hour. It's so easy to just fall into the social media trance. It's much easier to then justify it as 'relaxation'.

I was thinking the other day how lucky we are to live in a world that is becoming more and more accepting of self love. The concept is everywhere. On instagram, in shops and slathered across every beauty campaign. Love yourself. Practice self love. SELF LOVE OR DIE. And I'm not saying that this isn't a beautiful thing but my lazy self is taking full advantage of it. I am now the ruler of self love and what I say goes.

This is where the whole movement crumbles for me. I have become the queen of self love. You want to sleep in every morning? Do it it's self love. Don't want to go to the gym? Don't, love yourself instead. Cba to do the things that make you happy? Ah well, they obviously aren't self love tasks so sit on your phone instead. I am justifying every boring shitty lazy decision I make by labelling it self love. I actually really want to wake up early, and go to the gym and I really wanna do the things I love. But I'm letting myself off doing these things under the guise of loving myself.

You know what? Me not looking after my body, mind and god damn soul is not self love. It's self sabotage and self neglect. I'm neglecting what my whole being is yearning for because I have this lazy side, which at the moment I'm letting win. I'm letting my lazy side win all the arguments. Not just every couple of days or once a week. I'm not just allowing myself one lazy Sunday where I can stare  into my phone screen or rewatch Pretty little Liars again (I don't even like it that much??). I need to start being little harder on myself.

Now this is where the line between self love and self hatred needs to be drawn. Me being harder on myself cannot come from a place of anger and hatred of how I am now. It needs to instead be a labour of love, I need to want to better myself because of the love I already hold for myself. Exercising to change my body doesn't need to be because I hate how I look. Instead I need to acknowledge I feel more confident when I fit my clothes better and I don't feel so sluggish. We don't need to condemn acts of change as anti-self love. That's part of the problem. When it comes to the gym, especially, I have been telling myself I don't need to go because I should love myself as I am. But the thing is, I know that exercising makes me happy so in not pushing myself to do It I am them depriving myself of that happiness. Which isn't fair on myself, is it.

Now Self Love (take a shot every time I say self love) is not a cookie cutter concept. It comes in different forms for everyone. Sure most people enjoy a warm bath or face masks but when it becomes deeper and more personal it becomes less generic. For me I know my true acts of self care are keeping busy and consistent whether that be with the gym, my blog or skincare. I find happiness in progress therefore for me consistency is key. However It's also hard work. It's much easier not to do it, but this then means that in the end I will never achieve my goals. For you it may be something completely different, in fact your self love might actually be to chill the hell out more. You workaholics need breaks, maybe you do relate to the want of a hot bath or a pamper day more than exercise and pushing yourselves. You are already pushing yourselves. It's a worldwide social movement but It is still so personal and customisable to the individual.

All in all I think It's about balance. You know yourself better than anyone and you know what your body and mind need in order to flourish. In order to get the most out of life you need to find that work/play (relax) balance. Maybe the scales tip from time to time. For example if you have exams or work deadlines you might have to focus on the active self love, the side of you that pushes to get shit done. Then again if you've been going through it you need to accommodate that too, have a day off and go to a spa or something, buy yourself a yankee candle and inhale that extortionately priced scent. Life is short and you don't want to waste it, but you also need to enjoy it. So find your lil happy place and live in that shit.

Thanks,
Em x

Let's Talk: Weight Loss and Eating Disorders

Hello Lovelies! You'll be happy to notice that above is a picture without my face on it for once, instead, we have an amazing photo of Erin and her little sister eating some sexy looking brownies. This post has been very kindly written for Auburn Em by the lovely Erin Tomkinson. A while ago I wanted to write a post on weight loss and the pressure we feel from society to lose weight. However, I realised there are better people out there that can tell their story instead of just hearing from me all the time. We all experience things differently and others, unfortunately, experience things deeper which is why I wanted someone who can speak about this topic with more knowledge than I have. This post also marks the start of a new series 'Let's Talk', in which I (and hopefully more guests!) will be tackling and discussing important issues. So now I'm going to shut up and let Erin take it away...

When you think of the person you love and admire the most. Your biggest inspirations in life. What are the qualities of that person you admire?

Think about it.

I bet the first thing that came to your mind wasn't this persons weight or shape. So why do we value this so highly in our own lives? Why is instagram flooded with celebrities sharing heavily photoshopped photos and selling "skinny teas" and other glorified laxatives that promote the idea of looking a certain way? Having a teeeeny waist and nonexistent stick legs is somehow a quality more admirable than honesty, kindness, and respect?

Eating disorders are on the rise. Unsurprisingly. And as someone who's teens have been infected by calorie counting and self-hatred, I'm sick of seeing the internet show weight loss as this amazing thing that's going to completely change the world. I'm sick of seeing morality linked to food. For God's sake, you ate a brownie you didn't murder a child. Foods just food.

I do think it's important though for people to realise I didn't develop an eating disorder because of magazines and models. I didn't think "Oh I better starve myself into a walking skeleton who's organs are failing and whose life is falling apart because Kim Kardashian posted about appetite suppressing lollies. I did it because I hated myself. I wanted to punish myself. I did it to numb the emotion and memories of experiences. I did it to try to stop the world because it scared me and this way I felt safe and protected, I could avoid responsibilities and be looked after.

But these things don't help. They reinforce the message my brain is already telling me and keep me stuck in the cycle of recovery, relapse, misery, hope and more misery. A quote I love by JK Rowling which helps me is "Why is fat the worst thing a human can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain or cruel? Not to me." I wish we would stop holding weight and shape so highly. I wish it would just be as normal to have different bodies as it is to have different coloured hair.

If you are worried you or a friend may have an eating disorder GO TO THE GP! They are so so dangerous and have the biggest mortality rate of any mental illness. The sooner you get help the better your chance at recovery (even if you don't want it right now). You don't have to wait until you're "thin enough" or have lost your period, lost more hair or more of your life. Don't wait until your organs begin to eat themselves and you have wasted years being unable to live. You can do this.


Helplines

Help for Adults
The Beat Adult Helpline is open to anyone over 18. Parents, teachers or any concerned adults should call the adult helpline.
Helpline: 0808 801 0677
Email: Help@beateatingdisorders.org.uk

Help for Young People
The Beat youthline is open for anyone under 18.
Youthline: 0808 801 0711
Email: fyp@beateatingdisorders.org.uk

Just wanted to finish this post by saying a massive thank you to Erin for writing this! She's an amazing human being.

Thanks, 

Em x